He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
