My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
