So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
