the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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