If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
