well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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