I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
