Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
