I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
