Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
