He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
