Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
