Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
