I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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