Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
