I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
