Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
