I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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