Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think people are normalizing furries
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
