my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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