Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
