I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
