I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
