Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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