I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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