You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
