You can't motorboat a personality
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
