If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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