had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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