so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
