My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
