You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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