I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
