theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
