so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
