I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
