I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
