so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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