i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
