if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
