he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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