I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
