I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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