i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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