my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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