Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
