i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
