How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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