Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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