I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
