where am i from again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
