Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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