i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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