just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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