I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
