I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
